MADONNA X WHORE SPLIT

“The madonna-whore dichotomy denotes polarised perceptions of women as either good and chaste or as bad and promiscuous.

The feminist perspective on the madonna-whore dichotomy, points to the role of the stereotype in policing women and limiting their sexual freedom” [8]

historical development and evolution of the madonna X whore complex

In psychoanalytic literature, a Madonna–whore complex is the inability to maintain sexual arousal within a committed, loving relationship.

First identified by Sigmund Freud, under the sub-heading of psychic impotence, this psychological complex is said to develop in men who see women as either saintly Madonnas or debased prostitutes.

Men with this complex desire a sexual partner who has been degraded (the whore) while they cannot desire the respected partner (the Madonna).

Freud wrote: “Where such men love they have no desire and where they desire they cannot love.”

it plays out in male & female bodies

Whilst generally speaking the complex presides in the domain of men and male psychoanalysis, it has been adopted by women and females in almost all cultures and societies

It has fundamentally been adopted as a system for control and dominance within tribal hierarchical structures

You see this play out in the modern adaptations of “slut-shaming” by female groups and female relatives

This phenomena can stem from female woundings, such as:

  • competition for dominant males (security & safety within the tribe)
    • jealousy
    • insecurity
    • collusion (bonding)

All of which align to the primitive brain which always strives for the base survival of the tribe.

questions for your reflection

  • have you ever felt to need to lie about the number of people you’ve slept with previously?
  • have you ever been uncertain about how soon is “too soon” to have sex in a new relationship?
  • have you ever changed what you wanted to wear out of fear of judgement, shame or being harassed?
  • have you ever rejected or shamed a female sexual parter due to her sexual experience or enthusiasm?
  • have you ever judged or felt threatened by a woman for the way she dresses herself, her mannerisms and her attractiveness?

where did it start?

part one – psychological definition

Freud argued that the Madonna–whore complex was caused by a split between the affectionate and the sexual currents in male desire.

“The whole sphere of love in such persons remains divided in the two directions personified in art as sacred and profane (or animal) love”.[5]

In order to minimise his discomfort, a man may categorise women into two groups:

~ women he can respect and;

~ women he finds sexually attractive

When a man with the madonna x whore complex loves a woman he respects, he inadvertently places her on a pedastal (the madonna) and thereby despises and devalues women who exist as sexually attractive, despite desiring them.

part two – psychoanalytical suggestion

Psychoanalyst Richard Tuch suggests that Freud offered at least one alternative explanation for the Madonna X Whore complex in men:

This earlier theory is based on a man’s primary hatred of women, emerging through childhood conditions.

These may fall into two categories:

~ the child’s sense of his own mother

~ the child’s environment and learned behaviours towards the mother (archetypal & real)

These may stem from:

~ intolerable frustration and/or narcissistic injury at the hands of a mother

~ a lack of emotional nurturing

~ being raised by a cold but overprotective mother; or

~ the learned and ingrained familial, religious and culturally accepted views and norms

as well as other individuated symptoms

part three – patriarchal religion

There are many alleged representations of women as either madonnas or whores in mythology and Judeo-Christian theology, namely:

  • Virgin Mary
  • Mary Magdelene

Whore of Babylon, also known as “Mystery, Babylon the Great, the Mother of Prostitutes and Abominations of the Earth” from Revelation 17 (verse 5)

Within patriarchal religion also comes the tithe of “ownership” whereby women belong to men

“And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; and the rib, which the Lord God had taken from man, made he a woman and brought her unto the man. And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.”

From Genesis 2:21-23 [9]

part three – religion continued

Discrepancies between the Sacred & the Profane

Virginal & Beastly

Innocence & Sin

Impressive themes to discover, including your relationship to the polarised energies

so why? – some interpretations

  • With ownership of the body, comes the ownership of the sex and also the offspring (children)
  • With ownership of the woman and children, comes power (dominance)
  • Virginity seen as a ‘prize’ and ‘object of value’

The ‘man’ is then able to feel secure in his identity, role and sense of self through the dominance and ownership of the female body and sexuality.

This is particularly prominent in men (but also all people/bodies) who experience sexual insecurity, ego/identity insecurity, impotence or who have unresolved inner conflicts regarding sexuality, states of innocence and sin (evil)

When ‘power’ is not integrated within the psyche then shadows (unconscious distortions of reality/perception) arise in an attempt to protect and validate the ego of man

This of course, being the ego’s self protection in power dynamics, plays out in all genders and denominations, irregardless of identifying genitalia, religion, creed, age or status

modern cultural permutations, distortions and impacts

SLUT-SHAMING

Generally occurs from:

  • men to women
  • women to women
  • groups to individual women
  • self to self (woman)

Also prominent in teen and young adult circles, usually arising from learned, tribal consciousness, and as a rejection of that which isn’t understood (about self),

  1. fear of the unknown

Which predominately can be related to fear of:

  • being rejected by the tribe/family/friends
  • the new energetic current and experience within the body (learning to experience, integrate and begin to express as an emerging sexually mature person, including the new hormonal changes, emotional adaptations required and skills required to communicate, initiate, protect self and navigate an adult relational arena)

modern archetypal reclamations

MILF – mum I’d like to fuck

A MILF is any woman with children who has men that want to have sexual intercourse with her. The term is also sometimes used to describe women above a certain aged (30 or 40+) who are not mothers themselves, but are deemed to be sexually attractive, and also have men that would like to partake in sexual intercourse with them.

the acronym MILF was first used in the early 1990s, but was popularised by the hit 1999 comedy film American Pie

COUGAR

An older, more sexually experienced and integrated woman.

MODERN FIGURES

  • Kim Kardashian
  • Fergie
  • Kylie Jenner

what defines the modern integrated erotic mother?

  • Appreciation of own sexuality
  • Subtle, deep knowing of own sexuality and self as a sexual person
  • Sexuality that emanates from the body
  • Emotionally developed
  • Strength and clarity of communication
  • She knows herself, what she likes and will communicate

collapsing your inner-polarisations for integration

Collapsing the Polarised Mind

  • inner judgements
  • inner bigotry
  • inner bully
  • inner tyranny
  • inner arrogance

addressing the puritanical components of the psyche through a willingness to question beliefs, opinions, dialogues and self-expressions. ie. questioning the self, inner-enquiry

Practical Applications

  • creating time and space to connect to your body, and genitals through devotional, non-goal focussed touch
  • cultivating own self-worth and connection to eros and the natural upwelling of eroticism within (without the need for external stimulation)
  • self-reflective journaling around self-judgements of own sexuality, genitalia, sexual appetities, desires and turn offs to discover core themes, for the purpose of intentionally bringing a sense of awe, wonder and love to self
  • choosing to value your actual, and real desires for self-expression (in word, deed and dress)

What’s Next

Work with a Mentor or embodied guide

Self-directed learning through archetypal embodiments

Download this Guide to Cultivating Eros

https://bit.ly/CultivatingErosEbook – NEED TO CHANGE THIS SO IT’S ON THE EROTICA WEBSITE FOR DOWNLOAD AND NOT ON ILSA’S

REFERENCES:

MADONNA X WHORE COMPLEX

Kaplan, Helen Singer (1988). “Intimacy disorders and sexual panic states”. Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy. 14 (1): 3–12. doi:10.1080/00926238808403902. PMID 3398061.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Madonna%E2%80%93whore_complex#cite_note-1

Hartmann, Uwe (2009). “Sigmund Freud and His Impact on Our Understanding of Male Sexual Dysfunction”. The Journal of Sexual Medicine. 6 (8): 2332–2339. doi:10.1111/j.1743-6109.2009.01332.x. PMID 19493285.

Tuch, Richard (2010). “Murder on the Mind: Tyrannical Power and Other Points along the Perverse Spectrum”. The International Journal of Psychoanalysis 91 (1): 141-162. doi:10.1111/j.1745-8315.2009.00220.x.

  1. A Sacco, Madonna Complex (2011) p. 48

https://www.villainesse.com/girl-power/madonna-whore-dichotomy-explained 

Rotem Kahalon, Orly Bareket, Andrea C. Vial, …The Madonna-Whore Dichotomy Is Associated With Patriarchy Endorsement: Evidence From Israel, the United States, and Germany 

First Published May 2, 2019 Research Article

https://doi.org/10.1177/0361684319843298 

https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/0361684319843298#:~:text=The%20madonna%2Dwhore%20dichotomy%20(MWD,Tavris%20%26%20Wade%2C%201984) 

RELIGION

Genesis Quote

https://hekint.org/2017/01/27/divine-birth-eve-fashioned-from-adams-rib/#:~:text=And%20the%20Lord%20God%20caused,brought%20her%20unto%20the%20man 

THE POLARISED MIND – HARMONISING THE MADONNA WHORE SPLIT

Kirk Schneider, Ph.D.

https://www.psychalive.org/the-polarized-mind-humanitys-great-mistake/ 

THE BRAIN FOR TRIBAL SURVIVAL

Silvia Helena Cardoso, PhD, https://www.cerebromente.org.br/n09/tribal_i.htm  

SACRED LOVE & PROFRANE LOVE

Painting by Titius https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sacred_and_Profane_Love