Unlock the Power of Your Erotic Blueprint
If you’re looking to have a conscious relationship that’s both fulfilling and deeply connected, it’s important to start by unlocking the power of your erotic blueprint. Your erotic blueprint is a unique map of your sexual and sensual desires, needs, and preferences, and understanding it will help you communicate more effectively with your partner, explore your sexuality more fully, and create a deeper sense of intimacy and connection. Yes please!
Like all self-reflective and investigate processes, these things take time and discipline, so make sure you actively carve out time and space in your life to become more familiar and intimate with WHO you are. This is a journey of self acceptance and radical self love.
We’re going to go more deeply into the subject but to begin, here are the two basic elements to unlock the power of your erotic blueprint:
- Take some time to reflect on what turns you on, what makes you feel sensual and connected, and what you need to feel safe and comfortable during sexual experiences.
- You can journal about your desires, fantasies, and experiences, or talk with a trusted friend or therapist who can help you explore and understand your erotic blueprint.
- Begin to communicate what you are discovering with a lover if that feels like something you want to do and seek consent to participate in experiences that you want to explore with them
- Embody and take action to experience parts of yourself with yourself – that’s right honey! It’s self pleasure and self love time!
Once you have a better understanding of your own erotic blueprint, it’s important to communicate with your partner about your desires and needs. If you’re looking for help to begin working this out, “The Heart and Soul of Sex,” by Dr. Gina Ogden offers a system of 30 sexual blueprints. We know getting started can be challenging, especially if you’ve never talked openly about sex before but it is a crucial step in creating a conscious relationship. One way you might start is by setting aside time to have an open and honest conversation about your desires, needs, and boundaries, and then listening to your partner’s needs and desires with an open heart and mind. You could even try setting a day and time for this conversation and then setting a time limit on each person’s share!
As you explore your erotic blueprint and communicate with your partner, it will be helpful to stay curious and open-minded, understanding that you might feel challenged, triggered, uncomfortable or awkward during the process of self discovery. It’s ok – Your erotic blueprint is unique to you, and it may evolve and change over time as you explore new experiences and connections. By staying curious and open to new experiences, you can unlock the power of your erotic blueprint and create a conscious relationship that’s both deeply fulfilling and sexually satisfying.
An erotic blueprint is a way of understanding an individual’s unique sexual wiring, preferences, and desires and it is essentially based on the idea that each person has their own blueprint or combination of blueprints that define their erotic makeup. There are five main erotic blueprints identified by Jaiya Ma, a renowned sexologist:
- Energetic: individuals who are turned on by the exchange of energy with their partner. They are more interested in the subtle nuances of touch, breath, and energy rather than physical touch.
- Sensual: individuals who are turned on by physical touch and sensation. They are stimulated by touch, taste, smell, sound, and sight.
- Sexual: individuals who are turned on by sexual activity, including penetration and orgasm. They are less focused on the emotional and energetic aspects of sex.
- Kinky: individuals who are turned on by power dynamics, BDSM, and fetishes. They enjoy playing with control, pain, and submission.
- Shapeshifter: individuals who have a combination of the other four blueprints and may enjoy different types of sex at different times.
Practice: After reading through this list, where do you intuitively feel you identify with most strongly? Write it down in a journal and explore how you feel about it.
As a tool for exploring and expanding your sexual horizons, understanding your own erotic blueprint can help you communicate your desires and needs to your partner, help you understand and meet their needs and also support you to deepen your connection with yourself.
How to identify your erotic blueprint
Identifying one’s own sexual and erotic blueprint can be a process of self-discovery that requires reflection and exploration. Here are a few ways that can help:
- Self-exploration: Take some time to explore your own desires and fantasies, and think about what turns you on. This can include exploring your own body through masturbation, trying new things with a partner, or exploring erotic media that speaks to you.
- Communication with partners: Communicate with your partner(s) about what you enjoy sexually and what you’re comfortable with. Open and honest communication can help both partners understand each other’s needs and preferences.
- Exploring EROTICA Films: Watching a variety of erotic films will give you an insight into what turns you on and what turns you off. Films and books are a fantastic way to feel out desires and be exposed to things you may never have thought of before.
- There are a variety of online quizzes and assessments that can help you identify your sexual and erotic blueprint. These quizzes are based on the work of sex educators and researchers who have identified different types of sexual and erotic preferences.
- Working with a therapist: If you’re struggling to understand your sexual and erotic preferences or feel that there are underlying issues that need to be addressed, consider working with a therapist who specializes in sexuality and intimacy. A therapist can help you explore your desires and preferences in a safe and non-judgmental space.
Ultimately, identifying your own sexual and erotic blueprint is a journey of self-discovery that requires time, patience, and self-compassion. It’s important to remember that everyone’s sexual preferences and desires are unique and there is no right or wrong way to experience sexuality.
Turn Ons and Turn Offs
We all have Turn Ons and Turn Offs and it’s important to remember that sexual desire and arousal are complex and multifaceted. Understanding what Turn Ons and Turn Offs actually are and how they can either increase or decrease sexual desire and arousal is really important for self acceptance and fostering a conscious relationship.
Turn Ons are things that… turn us on 🙂 these things activate our sexual arousal system, and can include things like physical touch, erotic images, or certain smells or sounds. Turn Ons are often specific to an individual and can vary greatly from person to person – as you may already know, what turns one person on may not have the same effect on someone else.
Turn Offs, on the other hand, are things that inhibit or decrease our sexual desire and arousal and can include also include certain types of touch, images and stress, anxiety, certain medications, or even negative self-talk. It’s important to understand that Turn Offs are not necessarily bad, they’re just not compatible for your arousal.
Understanding both our Turn Ons and Turn Offs helps us to better understand our sexual and erotic blueprints, thereby creating the opportunity for deeply loving, sexy and intimate conscious relationships.
For creative, insightful and downright erotic examples of erotic and sexual blueprints, come along to this year’s film festival. Actively cultivating space to explore new erotic content and themes can stimulate ideas, expose you to new forms of eroticism and provide rich content to discuss with a partner.
The Female body: Turn Ons
The nervous system plays a key role in the sexual response cycle of the female body, particularly in response to erotic Turn Ons and so when an erotic stimulus is detected by the body, the sympathetic nervous system responds by releasing a surge of adrenaline, which in turn causes an increase in heart rate, blood pressure, and muscle tension. This response is also known as the “fight or flight” response and is a common physiological response to stress and arousal.
In addition to the release of adrenaline, the female body also responds to erotic turn ons by increasing blood flow to the genitals, resulting in engorgement of the clitoris and labia. To get a bit sciencey, this response is due to the release of nitric oxide, which causes the smooth muscle cells in the blood vessels to relax, allowing for increased blood flow to the genital area. This increased blood flow can also cause vaginal lubrication and swelling, which can further enhance sexual pleasure.
Emily Nagoski: A sex educator and author of the book “Come As You Are,” Nagoski discusses the concept of “accelerators” (turn ons) and “brakes” (turn offs) when it comes to sexual desire and arousal, which can be thought of as part of a person’s erotic blueprint.
From an anatomical perspective, the clitoris is the primary erogenous zone in the female body and is highly sensitive to erotic stimulation with thousands of nerve endings, making it a highly responsive area for sexual pleasure. As the body responds to erotic turn ons, the clitoris becomes engorged and sensitive, leading to increased arousal and sexual pleasure. Sometimes the female body may also respond to erotic turn ons by contracting the pelvic floor muscles, which can lead to heightened sensations during sexual activity.
This isn’t comprehensive of course – each body is wonderfully unique and can experience a whole range of responses.
The Male body: Turn Ons
When it comes to sexual arousal in the male body, the nervous system also plays a crucial role in the body’s response to erotic turn ons. As with the female body, the male nervous system is divided into two parts: the sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous systems.
When a male body is exposed to erotic stimuli, such as visual or physical touch, his sympathetic nervous system is activated leading to the release of neurotransmitters like adrenaline and noradrenaline, which again, increase heart rate, blood pressure, and respiration. This activation also causes the smooth muscle tissue in the penis to relax, allowing for increased blood flow and resulting in an erection.
Physiologically, the male body responds to erotic accelerators with an increase in heart rate and blood pressure, as well as heightened muscle tension. The testicles also become larger and rise closer to the body as a result of increased blood flow. These bodily responses work together to prepare the male body for sexual activity and contribute to the overall experience of arousal and pleasure.
At the same time, the parasympathetic nervous system also becomes active, releasing neurotransmitters like acetylcholine, which increase sexual arousal and sensitivity, and this can result in increased feelings of pleasure and sensation during sexual activity, while hormones such as testosterone, dopamine, and oxytocin are released when erotic turn ons become present.
The Female body: Turn Offs
It might seem obvious, but sometimes even the obvious does need to be stated: when a woman experiences erotic “turn offs,” her body and mind respond with a decrease in sexual desire and arousal. Physiologically, the body responds by releasing stress hormones, which can lead to a decrease in blood flow to the genitals, vaginal dryness, and decreased sensitivity. Furthermore, the emotional impact of erotic turn offs can create experiences of anxiety, stress, or self-consciousness, which can further dampen sexual desire.
There are a variety of factors that can act as erotic turn offs including physical issues such as pain during sex, fatigue, and medication side effects, as well as emotional issues such as stress, relationship problems, and negative body image. Cultural and societal factors such as shame, guilt, and stigma surrounding sex can also act as erotic decelerators for some people.
Experiencing erotic turn offs can have a significant impact on a sexual and emotional well-being and can lead to feelings of frustration, shame, and disappointment, as well as a decreased sense of self-esteem and confidence. Additionally, turn offs can be a type of touch that doesn’t feel good, or an environment that has changed where the atmosphere and desire has dropped away. It is important to understand that sexual arousal can ebb and flow in intimate situations, and that it doesn’t always mean there’s something wrong.
We’d like to introduce a practice that we love: the Pause.
The Pause can be used at anytime by any person during any experience (intimate or otherwise), it’s an agreed term and construct that allows for someone to take some space, or stop sexual touch until they feel ready to continue. We’ve found that its a beautiful practice that can actually allow for greater intimacy, emotional connection and presence between people. Give it a go and tell us your experience.
The Male body: Turn Offs
Despite cultural attitudes of men not being as affected by emotions as women, men are humans and when they experience erotic turn offs it can also affect him both physiologically and psychologically/emotionally too. Physiologically, erotic turn offs can result in a decrease in blood flow to the penis, making it difficult for him to achieve or maintain an erection which can lead to frustration, embarrassment, and anxiety, which then often exacerbates the problem.
Psychologically and emotionally, erotic turn offs can manifest in a number of ways for men. For example, anxiety or stress about performance can lead to a decrease in sexual desire, as can concerns about body image, penis size or relationship issues. Just like women, men may also experience guilt or shame around their sexual desires or behaviour, which can contribute to a decrease in arousal and interest. It’s a vicious cycle for everyone and Esther Perel’s “Mating in Captivity” is a good book for anyone wanting to explore the complexities of intimacy and desire in long-term relationships and the importance of understanding one’s own erotic blueprint.
It’s worth noting that all people can experience a range of internal and external factors that can inhibit their sexual desire and arousal and that understanding these factors and learning how to manage them can be an important step in cultivating a healthy and fulfilling sexual life.
Now we here at EROTICA honour that relationship constellations are as varied and wonderful as the individuals within them and that not all relationships are based on a male/female pairing – so take this information as a guide based on biological physiology.
Conscious relating is a full time investment. It requires all people involved to be fully committed to the practice of relating and being in relationship in a conscious, self-responsible way. Ultimately, conscious intimate relationship is one where both partners are committed to growing and evolving together in a holistic and intentional way.
Emotionally, this means being open and vulnerable with each other, practicing effective communication, supporting each other and holding space for each other’s emotions when appropriate. It also means asserting emotional boundaries and advocating for yourself while taking accountability for your emotional state, process and feelings. This part is the ultimate in accountable, empowered living.
Physically, it involves being present and attentive to each other’s needs and desires, as well as respecting each other’s boundaries. This includes body space, time space, objects that belong to one or the other, and also consciously relating to your own body through food, exercise and lifestyle.
Conscious relating sexually, means exploring and honouring each other’s preferences and boundaries, and being mindful of the energetic exchange that occurs during sexual encounters. Conscious erotic connection needs presence and a genuine interest in the other’s pleasure, satisfaction and well-being. For creative, insightful and downright erotic examples of erotic and sexual blueprints, come along to this year’s film festival. Once you watch some of the films, not only will you have new and glorious things to discuss with your partner, but you’ll also see that it really requires all people to be open-minded, available to talk and discuss difficult subjects and an attitude of “nothing is off the table for discussion”.
Spiritually, conscious relating involves sharing spiritual practices and beliefs, supporting each other’s spiritual growth, and experiencing a deeper sense of connection and oneness. This could be through religious spirituality, or devotional practices, it could look like tantric sex, organising spaces to feel a certain way or rituals that you design and include in your life and love making.
Overall, a conscious intimate relationship is grounded in trust, respect, and a mutual desire for growth and connection – if you’re in a conscious relationship, what are some pieces of advice you have? Share in the comments.
Here are some other experts and authors who talk about erotic and sexual blueprints:
- Jaiya: A sex educator and author of the book “Red Hot Touch,” Jaiya has developed a system of five erotic blueprints that she teaches to help people understand their unique sexual wiring.
- Dr. Alexandra Solomon: A licensed clinical psychologist and professor at Northwestern University, Dr. Solomon has written about sexual blueprints in her book “Loving Bravely” and in various articles and interviews.
- Emily Nagoski: A sex educator and author of the book “Come As You Are,” Nagoski discusses the concept of “accelerators” and “brakes” when it comes to sexual desire and arousal, which can be thought of as part of a person’s erotic blueprint.
- Esther Perel: A psychotherapist and author of the book “Mating in Captivity,” Perel explores the complexities of intimacy and desire in long-term relationships and the importance of understanding one’s own erotic blueprint.
- Dr. Gina Ogden: A sex therapist and author of the book “The Heart and Soul of Sex,” Ogden developed a system of 30 sexual blueprints that she teaches to help individuals and couples understand their sexual desires and needs.
- Dr. Justin Lehmiller: A social psychologist and author of the book “Tell Me What You Want,” Lehmiller discusses the concept of sexual fantasies and how they can reveal a person’s erotic blueprint.
These experts and authors offer valuable insights and tools to help people understand their unique sexual and erotic blueprints and improve their intimate relationships.
Want to read more books about the erotic in a community space? Consider joining the EROTICA Book Club